Entry

Photography is a cruel mistress. She giveth and she taketh away.

I've had moments of sheer exhilaration in the last few weeks. Moments where I thought I could do anything.

I've also had moments where I felt worthless and my inclination was to give up and quit. I'm not sure why. I'm not a quitter by nature. I stick. But there was a moment when I was sitting in my room and all I could think about was how easy it would be to give up. To go back to my office job. To be... well... ordinary. Not that I think people who work office jobs are ordinary but me at an office is an ordinary me. But it would be easy to be ordinary. To go back.

I won't. I'm competitive by nature and by family trait. I'm a Nakagawa. We are, above all, competitive with ourselves.

I think I just need to push myself more and critique myself less. My photo session with Tawny was not as good as I would have liked but it was not as bad as I made it out to be. There is a guy in my class who wants to be in the other group because their critiques aren't as harsh as ours. In my opinion, our critiques could never be as harsh as the one that is going on in my own head. I'd say maybe he should live in my head to get a taste of harsh, but I can't stand him, so we won't go there.

No one ever said chasing the dream would be easy.

S.