The End of a Friendship

I’m not one to let a friendship slide. I usually try to maintain contact even if the person is far away. I may not get back to you right away but I do try to eventually. I hate the phone but I do call people back when they call me. When I haven’t heard from someone in a while I do send an email, just to check in. If they don’t respond to email, mail, missed phone call, I just chalk it up to them being busy. Two no responses makes me think. Three and I call it a day. No use beating a dead horse on the head, right?

So I have this friend. We were never friends in person. We met in college and because we had the same major, had a small bond. However, it was always that we had mutual friends rather than were actual friends ourselves. You know how it is. When she finished college, she moved to another country to do her masters. I promised to write, as did everyone else in our group. However, unlike most people who promise to write, I actually do. I love mail, so I am anal about sending mail back. So for a year, we mailed back and forth, while she did her masters and I finished my bachelors. Then, when she returned to Canada, all was quiet for awhile. I rarely saw her and when I did, it was usually at parties where many people were invited. Back to being acquaintances as it were.

Then I left for Japan. Because I wrote to her when she was abroad, she promised to do the same. And she did. Letters came every few months telling me of her new job and eventually her new boyfriend. She even let me crash at her place for a night when I returned home for a visit. Two years I got letters. Then, the letters stopped. I wrote one, two and finally, the third letter to no response. My last year in Japan, no contact.

Eight months ago I returned to Canada. When I did I sent out a mass email to all my friends giving them my contact details and the fact that I was home and would love to see them. The people I expected to respond, the people I love and whom I think love me in return, did respond. And although I don’t see them as often as I would like, and the fact that I don’t pick up the phone (evil machine) doesn’t matter as I know when I do I will get a response. Or they will call me demanding where the hell I have been. They are cool like that.

From this particular friend… nada. The only emails I have gotten are about her wedding and where to send the invitations, which have never come, as she claims she doesn’t have my current address even though I have sent it to her three times. These emails also mentioned repeatedly where she was registered. Have I mentioned that I have heard reports of this friend being a bridezilla? So much so, that her first two bridesmaids dropped out of her wedding because they couldn’t deal with her. Perhaps you can see how I feel, a friend who has had no contact with me for two years except when she wants me to come to her events and bring her presents.

So I didn’t go to the wedding shower. It was in Vancouver, I didn’t get a proper invitation, and I didn’t like that the email I got from the bridesmaid at the last minute started and ended in the fact that she was registered at Linen and Things. Then came the stagette. First, I have to say that I think weddings are out of control. Didn’t weddings used to involve a couple hour get together at a friend’s house (shower) and the wedding? When did all these pre events come into effect? So the bridesmaids organized a 3 day extravaganza in Tofino, which is ridiculous if you ask me. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go, as there was no way I was going to take Friday off work. But emails came about how I didn’t go to the shower, so it would be so disappointing if I didn’t go to the stagette. So I said I would go up on Saturday because that was all I could afford.

I figured one day wouldn’t cost that much. But apparently, it doesn’t matter how many days you go for, you are still paying for 3 meals on Friday, 2 meals on Saturday, 1 on Sunday, two nights accommodation (did I mention that there wasn’t enough beds, so people coming up on Saturday should “bring sleeping bags”) plus booze (of which only wine is provided, blech). When I sent off an email saying that I just couldn’t afford that much and if it was that much I probably couldn’t go, I got an email back dripping in a well thought out guilt trip.

Makes me pissed off.

Basically, to sum up the email, the bridesmaid (who writes in a style awfully reminiscent of the bride) said that seeing as I was one of the bride’s closest friends she didn’t understand how money could even be a factor. She then proceeded to say how no one else had complained and even one girl, who is unemployed, was making the trip. She then offered to lower the price by 15 dollars, which she would have to cover herself, as to not inconvenience anyone else.

Oh, how kind.

If I am one of the bride’s closest friends, then I feel sorry for her for having so few friends. If the bride was one of my closest friends, then I wouldn’t even be thinking about the price. Because friendship is more important than money. And friends don’t feel used.

S.