The End of a Friendship

I’m not one to let a friendship slide. I usually try to maintain contact even if the person is far away. I may not get back to you right away but I do try to eventually. I hate the phone but I do call people back when they call me. When I haven’t heard from someone in a while I do send an email, just to check in. If they don’t respond to email, mail, missed phone call, I just chalk it up to them being busy. Two no responses makes me think. Three and I call it a day. No use beating a dead horse on the head, right?

So I have this friend. We were never friends in person. We met in college and because we had the same major, had a small bond. However, it was always that we had mutual friends rather than were actual friends ourselves. You know how it is. When she finished college, she moved to another country to do her masters. I promised to write, as did everyone else in our group. However, unlike most people who promise to write, I actually do. I love mail, so I am anal about sending mail back. So for a year, we mailed back and forth, while she did her masters and I finished my bachelors. Then, when she returned to Canada, all was quiet for awhile. I rarely saw her and when I did, it was usually at parties where many people were invited. Back to being acquaintances as it were.

Then I left for Japan. Because I wrote to her when she was abroad, she promised to do the same. And she did. Letters came every few months telling me of her new job and eventually her new boyfriend. She even let me crash at her place for a night when I returned home for a visit. Two years I got letters. Then, the letters stopped. I wrote one, two and finally, the third letter to no response. My last year in Japan, no contact.

Eight months ago I returned to Canada. When I did I sent out a mass email to all my friends giving them my contact details and the fact that I was home and would love to see them. The people I expected to respond, the people I love and whom I think love me in return, did respond. And although I don’t see them as often as I would like, and the fact that I don’t pick up the phone (evil machine) doesn’t matter as I know when I do I will get a response. Or they will call me demanding where the hell I have been. They are cool like that.

From this particular friend… nada. The only emails I have gotten are about her wedding and where to send the invitations, which have never come, as she claims she doesn’t have my current address even though I have sent it to her three times. These emails also mentioned repeatedly where she was registered. Have I mentioned that I have heard reports of this friend being a bridezilla? So much so, that her first two bridesmaids dropped out of her wedding because they couldn’t deal with her. Perhaps you can see how I feel, a friend who has had no contact with me for two years except when she wants me to come to her events and bring her presents.

So I didn’t go to the wedding shower. It was in Vancouver, I didn’t get a proper invitation, and I didn’t like that the email I got from the bridesmaid at the last minute started and ended in the fact that she was registered at Linen and Things. Then came the stagette. First, I have to say that I think weddings are out of control. Didn’t weddings used to involve a couple hour get together at a friend’s house (shower) and the wedding? When did all these pre events come into effect? So the bridesmaids organized a 3 day extravaganza in Tofino, which is ridiculous if you ask me. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go, as there was no way I was going to take Friday off work. But emails came about how I didn’t go to the shower, so it would be so disappointing if I didn’t go to the stagette. So I said I would go up on Saturday because that was all I could afford.

I figured one day wouldn’t cost that much. But apparently, it doesn’t matter how many days you go for, you are still paying for 3 meals on Friday, 2 meals on Saturday, 1 on Sunday, two nights accommodation (did I mention that there wasn’t enough beds, so people coming up on Saturday should “bring sleeping bags”) plus booze (of which only wine is provided, blech). When I sent off an email saying that I just couldn’t afford that much and if it was that much I probably couldn’t go, I got an email back dripping in a well thought out guilt trip.

Makes me pissed off.

Basically, to sum up the email, the bridesmaid (who writes in a style awfully reminiscent of the bride) said that seeing as I was one of the bride’s closest friends she didn’t understand how money could even be a factor. She then proceeded to say how no one else had complained and even one girl, who is unemployed, was making the trip. She then offered to lower the price by 15 dollars, which she would have to cover herself, as to not inconvenience anyone else.

Oh, how kind.

If I am one of the bride’s closest friends, then I feel sorry for her for having so few friends. If the bride was one of my closest friends, then I wouldn’t even be thinking about the price. Because friendship is more important than money. And friends don’t feel used.

S.

Lost Generation

I hope so.

S.

The Trek

After work today, my boss suggested we go out for drinks. So 6 ladies did drinks at a restaurant, talking smack and boob jobs. You know, normally day at the office.

It was 6 pm when I headed home. I share a bathroom with several other women and today it was in use. The woman in there was either having an epic bath, or cleaning (cleaning... I really, really hope so.) but there was a major water flowing sound.

I've hung out with my sister too long. I used to be a tank. I could hold it for hours if necessary. But Nadine uses the bathroom consistently and now, so do I. I walked into my room (which is next to the bathroom) and realized I had to go so bad. And all I could hear was the water running. What a situation.

Before I even had time to think about how long I could hold it, my body had taken control. My shoes were on, keys in hand and I was out the door. I was halfway down the stairs before I realized where I was going. I live next to Beacon Hill Park. It's gorgeous. There is a bathroom in the middle of it. Beach Hill isn't as big as you are probably thinking, but it isn't as small as my mind pictured it at that moment.

I start walking. It's okay. Walking makes me feel like I don't need to go.Down the block, cross the road and I was in the park. Down the chip trail. Oh wait, walking makes me feel like I need to go so bad. See people feeding the ducks. Ducks making splashing noises. Oh geez.

Maneuvered through the playground, dodging blond children on bikes spouting what sounded like Swedish. At this point I can see the building. Pick up the pace. Oh crap, it's not the bathroom, it's a building that appears to have no doors. The bathroom is the next building. Around the flower bed, by the fountains (not just one stream of water heaving into the air, but three, ack!) and finally the bathroom.

Praise be.

For a split second I thought the bathroom was closed, but it turned out just to have a heavy door.

Perhaps I should think about moving. But less than 400 bucks a month is unheard of in Victoria.
S.

Things as they have been going...

Gosh, how boring my job is. I can blog from work and nobody notices.

I went to Nanaimo this weekend to hang with my sister. She had tickets to a taiko drumming show at the Port Theatre. I was surprised by her offer of driving down to Victoria to pick me up. What a nice sister.

Except that she always has ulterior motives.

So, we happen to have a nice bead store in town. Yes, beads. My sister is all into making earrings. Actually, so am I, but I sure don't spend that much money on beads. But then again, my ideas of selling jewelry only extend to the making of a few pieces and then, me wearing those pieces. Sell? Ha! Perhaps used pieces.

Anyways, off we went to Nanaimo. The show was fantastic. The pipes on those women... I guess banging overhead drums does things for the shoulders. Full pieces done in lunges, down on one side... bang bang bang, then transfer to the other side, bang and then back again. I fully recommend seeing a taiko group if you can. If you are extremely lucky, see the Kodo drummers. They are the group from Japan that originated taiko. I haven't seen them despite going to the island where they live 4 times.

It never fails though. Go to a show you are bound to enjoy and the person behind you will bang the back of your chair with their feet. Or talk during the performance. Maybe it's just me, but I don't care about your opinion on the quality of the mask. Especially after the discussion about how you thought the three women were men until they turned around.

They didn't stay for the whole show. And for that I am extremely thankful.

Nadine's cat slept with me at night while I was there. I wish I had a cat. But having a cat... well... it makes you less mobile. It makes you more... here for the long haul. One day.

On a different note, I'm not feeling my neighbours. I live in a house that has been converted into apartments. The rent is cheap so I'm not going anywhere but man, annoying. The two older ladies who live in the house are friends, which is nice, but I don't get why they feel it necessary to have chats in the hallway. I can hear every word that they utter and it is super boring. Why the hallway? Why not go into someone's apartment?

Then yesterday I'm on my way out to belly dance class. I go down into the lobby and there is the lady that is staying in the bottom apartment. She has the largest apartment in the front section of the building, but she treats the lobby like hers as well. She leaves the door open to her apartment and her toddler hangs out there. And then yesterday, she is sitting on the floor in the lobby talking to some lady I've never seen before and she is breastfeeding.

Breastfeeding.

I'm all for the naturalness of breastfeeding but seriously, if this was an actually apartment building, would she be breastfeeding in the lobby underneath the mail slots? Because that's exactly what she was doing. Then a bunch of her friends came in and they all sat in the lobby. WHY DOES SHE EVEN HAVE AN APARTMENT THEN???

I'm easily irritated.

S.

Shari-La

Hehehe, instead of typing Shangri-La into the beneficiary field on the wire I was processing this morning, I by accident typed Shari-La. I like it. It makes me feel posh.

Well, as posh as I can feel.

So, I've been home for 6 months. It's been a weird 6 months, trying to readjust to Canada and all that. It seems that I have alot of free time on my hands. I was trying to figure out what I did with all my time in Japan and I have only one answer - all you can drink. Oh nomihodai, how I miss you and your copious liquor.

Anyways, I decided that I would fill my time with some volunteer work. How nice of me. I somehow envisioned myself as a Pollyanna do-good-er with a sarcastic streak. Except... I couldn't find a position. Finding a job and a place to live were easier than finding a volunteer position.

I tried the museum first but they only had positions during the day, when the majority of us work sheesh. I tried the Y but they only want friends of people who work there it seems. No one else responded to my emails. I was about to give up, when finally the InterCultural Association called me and asked if I wanted to be a teacher's assistant in an ESL class (English as a Second Language).

Yesterday I went to my first class. I'm TAing for the level 4-5 which are the highest levels and man, these people don't really need to take classes. Sure, they aren't fluent, but then again, I sometimes wonder if I am either. I sat in a small room and one by one had conversations one on one with them. One is a housewife from Thailand, whose children were educated in New Zealand. One is a professional woman from Shanghai who wanted to stay in Shanghai but whose husband wanted to move to Canada. One Russian man basically wondered why I didn't have a husband yet (why is this question dogging me?). The Korean man told me about the lack of stars in Korea and how he was going camping this weekend.

I have never met so chatty people, and in their second language too. I hardly had to speak.

Not at all like teaching children, but I think I will enjoy my three hours a week.

S.

The City...

...is full of clothing. I don't mean shops. I mean lying on the street.

On the way home, I noticed a jacket abandoned by the weird hospital place by my house. Also, near the bar, there was copious amounts of clothing in a trash can. I hate to say it, but you would think with the amount of homeless people that this city has, there wouldn't be free clothing just strewn about. I see it everywhere. Poor clothing.

The city is also full of stupid people, but every city is full of stupid people. I went to a concert tonight and I won't even get into it. Stupid people! Stupid people and barf everywhere. What a Saturday night.

I should go to bed.

S.

Outside

It's amazing the things you can see when you actually leave your apartment and go for a run.

Yes, a run! I know, shocking for me... but watching cheesy dance reality shows actually makes me go outside and do stuff.

Anyways, if I hadn't gone out today I wouldn't have seen the man on the bike pedaling through Beacon Hill Park. On first glance it was just a guy on a bike. When I looked back, I realized it was a man, a Canadian flag and a modified bike with a basket on the back that housed a medium sized dog. The dog was going for a ride, with the man being the chauffeur. I'm not entirely sure Fido there was into it.

If I hadn't gone out today, I wouldn't have seen the little boy who was using an overgrown willow as a fort. Nor would I have almost been mowed down by a terrier on a mission. I wouldn't have seen the two Asian exchange students hand their camera to a woman and then fling their arms about each others shoulders, with the Cascades in the backdrop. One day that photo will be shown to people back home saying "see, these were my days in Canada with one of my best friends." If I hadn't gone out today, I wouldn't have noticed that those boys were dressed more fashionable than I could ever hope to.

I wouldn't have seen the old couple sitting in companionable silence on a bench, looking out at the ocean. Or the herd of people at the petting zoo, more people than goats.

If I hadn't gone outside for the run today, I wouldn't sit here feeling better about myself.

S.