Happenings

I’m feeling very weird lately. Not sick exactly, but really out of it. I wonder what the hell is wrong with me.

Anyways, I’m a red head now. Kind of. After talking about it for around two months, I finally got off my ass and booked an appointment to get my hair done. On Monday I went to the stylist and got red highlights in my hair and a cut. I really like it, as I feel it suits me. Except aren’t red heads supposed to have fiery tempers? Because I sure don’t. My temper is like ice.

Also, the fumes from my head were making me feel light headed. Maybe that’s why I’m so out of it. The stylist told me not to wash my hair for a couple of days and in general not to wash my hair everyday. I suppose that’s all fine, but am I the only one who feels nasty if her hair isn’t washed. I made it two days and totally had to wash. I love the colour my hair currently is, but not enough to be greasy in an attempt to maintain it.

I’m a big ol’ liar. I lie to stylists.

They tell me to blow dry. I tell them I will. I won’t. It’s a waste of time. They tell me to not wash very often. I agree. Such a lie. I wash everyday. They tell me to use a light wax. I tell them I have some at home. I don’t. I hate product. I tell hair stylists whatever they want to hear. I just can’t tell them that product is gross and that blow drying makes me too sleepy to stand.

I also have a big mouth.

Oh, if you tell me a secret and tell me not to tell a soul, I will take it to my grave. But about myself? That’s a bit harder.

Let’s be honest. I’ve been freaking out about being home. I’m bored as all hell and I can’t motivate myself to do anything about it. Sure, I’m going to be volunteering at the museum in January and I have vague ideas of volunteering at the Y, taking dance class, blah, blah, blah. I think about leaving all the time. I just don’t know where to go or what to do. I also think about taking classes or finding a career path.

But here’s the thing. Jason and Stephen are getting married next year. It’s sweet really. They asked me to be in their wedding party. I’m not into weddings in the slightest but make it about two guys and I’m in. Something about a gay wedding tugs at my heartstrings that the run of the mill straight wedding just can’t do.

So, my contract ends in February and so does my lease. I was thinking that if I was to leave then would be a good time. Makes sense, right? But, I’m supposed to be in my oldest friend’s wedding that is set for next summer. It doesn’t make sense in my mind to leave and then come back. Because, I won’t. Rina got married and I didn’t come back from Japan. I probably could have, but pretended in my mind that I couldn’t. Great friend I am. So, I decided that I was going to stay in Canada at least until their wedding. I may stay longer but that is the minimum.

That’s all fine. I make decisions like that in my life all the time. I can live with it.

But then I opened my big mouth and told Jason. He loved the idea.

Now I’m locked in. If I change my mind (which may happen) he’ll totally guilt trip me. What is friendship if not one big guilt trip?

So I’m in Canada at least until August ish. They haven’t set a date. I wish they would. I realize there are problems with a sister that took their date and is stealing their thunder. Problems, problems.

I also wish my friends in general would stop assuming that I’m sitting at home waiting for them to call. I may not have much of a life, but I’m trying damn it. I don’t think that they actually think that I’m sitting at home waiting for them, but situations make me feel like that is what is in the back of their subconscious.

And it makes me want to leave.

S.